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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Illinois Corruption Timeline

The controversy surrounding Illinois senator Roland Burris is only the latest chapter in a long history of political corruption in the Land of Lincoln. Here is a partial timeline of scandals that have plagued the state.

1865: Birthplace of Abraham Lincoln moved from its original location in Kentucky

1871: The Great Chicago Fire spreads quickly after every firehouse in the city is discovered to be either empty or manned by incompetent, low-paid chimpanzees

1913–1917: Renowned for his moral rectitude, Gov. Edward "Upstanding Ed" Dunne embezzles just $55,000 while in office

1956: Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley shifts the proposed interstate route to separate his neighborhood from the adjoining black neighborhood, but has it jog slightly to the left to keep a favorite pie restaurant on his side

1983: Chicago City Council member Bernard Stone stirs up opposition to African-American mayor Harold Washington in a rousing speech beginning with the famous words, "In my day..."

1995: U.S. Rep. Dan Rostenkowski starts practice of going up to random people, saying "Nice watch," and hanging around for a while

2003: After being dared by a group of visiting mayors, a drunken Mayor Richard M. Daley orders downtown Chicago airport Meigs Field torn up in the dead of night, just to prove he can

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