adBlockCheck

Inside Harry Potter World’s New Diagon Alley

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Inside Harry Potter World’s New Diagon Alley

Harry Potter fans lined up at Universal Studios Orlando today for the opening of Diagon Alley, the highly anticipated expansion to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park, which features new rides, restaurants, and shops based on the fictional street. Here are some highlights of the new area:

  • Daily Prophet publishing office allows curious children to hold real-life versions of print newspapers described in the books
  • Sorting Hat that tells everyone they’re in Gryffindor
  • Seamus Finnigan’s Basketball Free Throw Challenge
  • Food court employees instructed to call french fries “potato wands”
  • A place just to sit and rest your goddamn feet for a second
  • Numerous opportunities for children to experience the magic of waiting in line for three hours
  • Enchanted bathrooms outfitted with haunted toilets that flush on their own
  • Animatronic Voldemort that is clearly a repurposed E.T.
  • Leaky Cauldron bartender who has two days to get the accent down or his ass is out on the street
  • Digital counter displaying J.K. Rowling’s net worth

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close