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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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International Olympic Medal Incentives

Winning the gold in international amateur competition is its own reward, but participating nations have found other ways to show their appreciation.

  • North Korea: Winners will receive, um, this chunk of wood over here, and this busted remote control, and, what's that over there? A radio dial? Yeah, some sort of radio dial.
  • Morocco: Pretty simple. Samir Azzimani, the lone athlete representing Morocco, either wins or has his head chopped off
  • USA: Winners receive a week of adulation, get interviewed on a late-night talk show or two, appear in a few terrible commercials, and then fade into obscurity until their Olympic records are mentioned in their obituaries
  • Norway: All any Norse competitor worth his salt really wants is an even taller mountain to ski down
  • Sweden: Government is unable to realistically offer athletes anything that would make their lives better than just sitting back and living in Sweden
  • Germany: Awarded one of the nation's 50 annual smiles
  • Texas: Huge belt buckle with words "I SHOWED THEM AMERICANS" in rhinestones
  • Belarus: Authority to govern the voblast of their choice, whether it be Brest Voblast, Gomel Voblast, Grodno Voblast, Mogilev Voblast, Minsk Voblast, or even Vitebsk Voblast
  • China: Fresh pile of straw for cramped Olympian pen
  • Poland: Free tickets to 2010 Winter Olympics
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