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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Internet Against SOPA, PIPA

Last week, several websites, including Google and Wikipedia, raised awareness of the prohibitive measures included in the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA). Here are some of the legislation's controversial provisions:

  • Music review sites can only allude to a song's title and content in vague terms
  • All pirated material available only at the Commerce Department's new site, Torrent.gov
  • Government will actively encourage people to download only public-domain music, such as Pipey Lester's "That Cat's a-Mewing!" or Ukulele Ted's "Nickel For Your Hat"
  • Denies future generations the ability to watch hilarious scene from Dirty Work where Chris Farley yells at the Asian hooker anytime, free of charge, which is a fundamental right of being an American
  • Does absolutely nothing to get rid of goddamn Lolcats
  • Makes the MPAA and RIAA feel better, which, if you have any shred of a soul, causes pure rage to swell through your very being
  • Any person suspected of Photoshopping bill sponsor Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) in an unflattering manner shall be subject to a minimum sentence of two months in prison; sentence will be increased by an additional two months if MS Paint is used
  • No longer legal to steal Ryan Gosling's credit card information
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