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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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iPhone 5 Features

Apple CEO Tim Cook introduced the widely anticipated latest generation of the iPhone at a press event Wednesday. Here are some of the new device’s features:

  • Says things when you touch it, just like a real person
  • Adjustable hand-strap
  • Siri tunelessly hums when left alone for too long
  • Plaid
  • Makes a sighing noise whenever it passes older iPhones
  • Frictionless no-grip casing eases transition from hand to floor
  • Can hammer nails
  • Is pathetic piece of shit compared to the iPhone 6
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