Jobs' Last Words Revealed

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Vol 47 Issue 45

Previously On

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Jobs' Last Words Revealed

Delivering a eulogy, Mona Simpson, the sister of Steve Jobs, shared the Apple CEO's final words: "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow." Here are some other famous last words:

  • George Washington Carver: "May people only remember me for the peanut."
  • Genghis Khan: "Life is funny. One minute you're up, the next you're down. Just make sure you enjoy the ride!"
  • Strom Thurmond: "Sorry about all that stuff I said."
  • Orville Redenbacher: "I’ve known no joy in life more delicious than munching and crunching each day with you."
  • Hunter S. Thompson: "I'm through trying to pry money out of that pigfucker Jann Wenner."
  • John Paul II: "Alas, with my last breath, let me utter the one thing I have always wanted to say: big black balls."
  • Michael Jackson: "Great, I’m even dying kind of weird."
  • Mitt Romney: "We have to keep this quiet, or my campaign is fucked."
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