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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Jon And Kate's Messy Public Divorce

Since announcing their plans to divorce, Jon and Kate Gosselin, subjects of the TV show Jon And Kate Plus Eight, have had several very public feuds. Here are some highlights from their falling-out:

  • Jon gets caught trying to sell elder twins to undercover cop
  • Kate goes in front of U.N. General Assembly to make case for sole custody of children
  • Jon reveals Kate's private child-ranking order
  • After eating ribs, both unknowingly walk around for 20 minutes with barbecue sauce on their faces because they aren't speaking to each other
  • While Jon is caring for the kids, Kate drives up in the middle of the night, secretly snatches each child from bed, binds and gags the camera crew, shoves them all in her van, and then drives off to start a new televised life elsewhere
  • Jon reveals that Kate's real name is Edith and that she changed it simply for rhyming purposes
  • Jealous of the attention Kate's flirty new hairstyle is getting, Jon gets one exactly like it
  • In a TMZ exclusive, Jon claims that his ex-wife loves to be artificially inseminated from behind
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