Expressing both joy and astonishment, 55-year-old accountant Jacob Reynolds confirmed Wednesday that a recent rendezvous with a prostitute had left him completely and utterly satisfied on an emotional level.
WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.
WASHINGTON—A report released Monday by the Pew Research Center revealed that a growing number of American fifth-graders are opting to take a gap year to unwind from the stresses of elementary education and recharge themselves before taking on the rigors of middle school.
This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
LONG BEACH, CA—At approximately 7:05 a.m. Monday, sources at St. Mary Medical Center confirmed that local woman Deliah Zahn gave birth to a healthy black mark on the record of Bayer—manufacturer of the birth control pill Yaz—weighing in at 7 pounds, 6 ounces.
TOLEDO, OH—Describing how the child entered a state of complete mental serenity free from any stress or anxiety as soon as he closed the flaps of the large shipping carton over him, sources confirmed Thursday that sitting inside his cardboard box is the safest local 6-year-old Kyle Wolfe will feel for the remainder of his life.
NEW YORK—Saying the popular new practice appears to be growing in popularity particularly in coastal states and within more affluent suburbs, several family experts confirmed Friday that the latest parenting trend involves just handing children a bulleted list of things they need to accomplish by the age of 30.
BOWLING GREEN, KY—Saying it would be a great opportunity for some sunshine and fresh air, members of the Ostby family reportedly came to the conclusion Friday that their grandfather, Earl Ostby, might enjoy going outside and watching the worst Little League baseball game imaginable.
BOSTON—According to a report released Friday by Harvard Business School, more U.S. companies are offering up to 12 weeks of paid maternity leave to mothers who complete three months of work ahead of time.
KANNAPOLIS, NC—Describing the practice as a fun way to liven up what are often routine and repetitive classes, local tae kwon do instructor Chris Fergus told reporters Friday he always gets a little thrill from partnering up two completely mismatched 8-year-olds during sparring sessions.
THE HEAVENS—Saying He was a very rigid and domineering Father in the years immediately following the Creation of Man, the Lord God Almighty admitted Monday He has been far less strict with His last few billion children.
EL SEGUNDO, CA―In a continued effort to make its iconic line of dolls more representative of today’s culture, Mattel announced the release Friday of its first male Barbie, which it hopes will inspire girls to dream about what it’s like to hold a top-ranking job in the workforce.
WASHINGTON—According to a report published this week by sociologists at American University, the vast majority of parents across the country are willing to entrust their children to anyone wearing a plush character costume.
HOPEWELL, NJ—Trying unsuccessfully to ignore the child as he grasped his genitals between his thumb and index finger, wincing sources reported Wednesday that local boy Jacob Faldonna, 2, was really yanking on his penis hard.
WASHINGTON―According to a Pew Research Center report published Tuesday, the number-one worry among mothers and fathers in all parts of the country is their child dying from something they could be blamed for as parents.
GALVESTON, TX—Amid a spate of public health warnings this week regarding the infectious disease’s devastating effects on fetal development, the Zika virus reportedly joined a lack of paid maternity leave and unaffordable child care as reasons why local woman Shannon Kemp is afraid of becoming pregnant.
Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:
SIMSBURY, CT—Saying they wanted their daughter to follow her passions, the parents of 8-year-old Kaylee Maxwell told reporters Monday that they strongly encourage all of her interests that are within a 15-minute drive.
The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting
BOSTON—Noting his short outbursts of laughter as he charged across the house, sources confirmed Saturday that pajama-clad 5-year-old Lucas Mason made a turbulent rampage through a dinner party hosted by his parents.