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Keeping Your Child Safe Online

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Keeping Your Child Safe Online

Polls indicate that 95 percent of teenagers are online, while a growing number of young children now have access to internet-capable cell phones and devices. Here’s what parents can do to make sure their kids stay safe while using the internet:

  • Place the family computer in a high-traffic area of your home, such as the front doorway or staircase, so that your child is less likely to browse inappropriate websites.
  • Prevent your children from being exposed to explicit, violent, and disturbing content by making sure you clear your internet history when you’re done browsing.
  • Use your browser’s built-in parental controls, a deeply secure feature that can in no way be circumvented by a savvy child who has never known a world without computers.
  • Once the controls are turned on, block potentially inappropriate websites with URLs containing language like “porn,” “xxx,” and “http://.”
  • Shield your child from nudity by strategically placing little pieces of black tape on the computer screen where the naked parts are most likely to appear.
  • Trick them into believing an Etch A Sketch is a computer.
  • Decide how much time you are comfortable with your kids being online each day so that they will know exactly when the thrill of disobeying you should kick in.
  • Give your child a “safe list” of websites that you have personally coded, deployed, and hosted.
  • Before handing over the computer to your child, post on popular web forums asking users to cool it with the swears.
  • Make a bargain with your kids where every hour spent online equals an hour visiting grandma in the nursing home.
  • Every time you catch your children looking at age-inappropriate material online, tell them about the first time you discovered masturbation.
  • Always talk with your children about what websites they regularly visit. If it seems like they’re being honest with you, then they’re far too naive to be using the internet.

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