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Kim Jong Il's Successor

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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Kim Jong Il's Successor

North Korean president Kim Jong Il recently named his 25-year-old son Kim Jong Un as the nation's next leader. What qualifications does Kim's youngest son bring with him?

Has 8 million pre-painted portraits of himself ready to distribute to the populace at a moment's notice

Displayed a complete disregard for U.N. resolutions from a very early age

Pretty good friends with Putin's kids

Has two nonfunctional but symbolic iron fists grafted onto his arms

Projects a powerful authoritarian air over his countrymen by appearing adequately nourished

Shares two out of three names with arguably the greatest leader in Far East Asian history

Has shown a lifelong, devoted lack of interest in behaving normally in any way

Is able to slap people across the face effectively with either hand

On the day of Jong Un's birth, all farmers reaped twice as much from the earth, the rivers overflowed with carp, and the lapping ocean waves murmured the new leader's name

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