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Kitty Kelley Pens Oprah Tell-All

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Kitty Kelley Pens Oprah Tell-All

An unauthorized biography of Oprah Winfrey by Kitty Kelley, writer of controversial books on Elizabeth Taylor and Nancy Reagan, was published Tuesday. Here are some of the book's revelations:

  • "Harpo" actually just an anagram of her name, Proha
  • Owns variety of fat suits that she'll toss on when tabloid attention starts to wane
  • Keeps all of her Emmys swaddled in a pink satin-lined crib up in the attic
  • Sends successful authors in her book club a black rose every year to remind them that she can destroy them as easily as she created them
  • Allows partner Stedman Graham exactly five minutes and 45 seconds of intercourse every six weeks
  • Requires a new inspirational poem from Maya Angelou twice a day
  • Her California estate has 24 bedrooms, 17 bathrooms, and two McDonald's restaurants
  • Wasn't actually the first person to come up with the idea of asking another person questions

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