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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Lance Armstrong's Tour De France Career

Seven-time champ Armstrong will almost certainly retire from cycling following his crash-ridden swan song in this year's Tour, but he leaves fans with many memories.

  • 1996: Tests reveal that Armstrong is suffering from cancer caused by toxic coolant leaking from a faulty turbocharger seal, trickling past his gearbox, and pooling in his testicles
  • 1998: Armstrong joins Team U.S. Postal Service, a long sponsorship that finally persuades Americans to mail things
  • 2000: Armstrong gradually wears the other riders down while displaying his superior endurance for endlessly chatting about testicular cancer.
  • 2001-2003: Embarrassing handlebar-tassel period
  • 2002: Stays ahead of the pack despite having to pull over to the side for blood transfusions every 20 miles
  • 2003: Armstrong wins his sixth Tour but later faces a messy public breakup with his longtime bike
  • 2004: Finishes grueling "Marriage" stage only to immediately set off on the torturous "Sheryl Crow" stage
  • 2005: Angrily denies allegations of getting a free ride from the American press
  • 2006: Wins Tour de France on exercise bike in basement

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