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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.
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Last Shuttle Launched Into Space

The launch of Atlantis last week marked the final mission of NASA's shuttle program. Here are some key moments in space shuttle history:

  • 1977: The flight-worthiness of the orbiter prototype Enterprise is tested by launching the craft from a straddling position atop a modified Boeing 747 carrier aircraft, another telling indication of the increased sexual permissiveness of the 1970s
  • 1984: The Discovery sets an all-time high score of 15,330, blasting more than 150 asteroids with its laser cannon during a November mission
  • 1985: Atlantis is outfitted with a CD player instead of a turntable
  • 1992: Acknowledging the nation's shortened attention span, the countdown to launch is truncated to "four, three, two, one"
  • 1994: Only half the Endeavour's crew shows up for its flight, allowing mission specialist David Wolf to stretch out across the empty aisle, middle, and window seats
  • 1995: Space shuttle Atlantis makes its first visit to Russian space station Mir, where the astronauts are forced to choke down powdered vodka shots
  • 1998: In honor of 77-year-old former Mercury program astronaut John Glenn's historic ride aboard the Discovery, the crew pilot lands the space shuttle in a violent free-fall splashdown in the Pacific Ocean
  • 2001: The space shuttle program is renewed for another decade immediately after President Bush watches Space Cowboys

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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

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