LeBron James' Career Highlights So Far

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Vol 49 Issue 19

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets.

New to the market!

Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.

Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk

ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and s...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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LeBron James' Career Highlights So Far

With LeBron James winning his fourth MVP award, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the superstar’s career up to this point.

  • 1991: In wake of humiliating defeat on playground basketball court, vows he will someday become second-greatest basketball player of all time
  • July 8, 1992: After wasting seven years of life in dysfunctional household, abruptly abandons mother to join other family with better basketball program
  • 1996: Named to the NBA’s “50 Greatest Players of All Time” list
  • 2002: Becomes youngest high school basketball player to be featured on cover of Fangoria
  • 2003: After being drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, manages to mask his shout of “fuck!” to sound like a cough
  • 2008: Wins $5.4 million settlement from YouTube user cavsfan99 who uploaded a compilation of LeBron James dunks without permission
  • 2009: Switches number from 23 to 6 out of respect for his jersey sales
  • July 8, 2010: Orchestrates “The Decision,” a wicked satire of the sports media’s penchant for manufactured drama and inane commentary
  • July 9, 2010: Quietly relocates to Miami
  • 2011: Devotes grueling offseason to making self more likable
  • 2013: Manages to make it through another day blocking out the thought of Delonte West fucking his mom
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