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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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LeBron's Next Team

In scant weeks, LeBron James will be the most desirable free agent in recent memory. Where will basketball's biggest catch choose to go?

  • Kings: Sacramento GM Geoff Petrie has been known to call James "the best player in the league," so perhaps this will flatter LeBron into making the wrong decision
  • Knicks: LeBron has said he's always wanted to play in the Empire State Building
  • Nets: East Rutherford could be the destination, as James has hinted to the media how much he loves "marshy hellholes"
  • Bulls: Have wooed James by offering him a chance to be the franchise's all-time second-best player
  • Bucks: Not very likely, since LeBron has never even heard of this team
  • Heat: Miami, having no income tax, or apparently any other laws of any kind, may prove intriguing to young James
  • BK Ventspils: LeBron has always been enamored with Latvia's nightlife
  • Cavaliers: Makes perfect sense for both sides, but God, would that be boring

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