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Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.
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Lego Turns 50

The Lego, invented by a Danish toy manufacturer, turned 50 last week. Here are some highlights from the history of this popular interlocking brick:

March 10, 1962: After four years of lagging sales, one of the designers has the idea to add a second color to the set.

May 15, 1965: Lego scientists create a momentary tear in space-time by building a giant Lego brick out of Lego bricks.

Aug. 24, 1968: Following a long and difficult struggle, Legoland's constitution is ratified.

June 6, 1971: Lego care package is sent to brother in Vietnam.

Oct. 19, 1974: The first Lego human minifigure journeys through the human digestive system.

June 23, 1989: CEO of Megablox accidentally refers to own product as "Legos."

Jan. 21, 1998: Story rights for blue, red, and green Lego bricks optioned by Dreamworks.

Dec. 9, 2007: The company estimates that there are more than 2 billion Legos on the floor of living rooms around the world that need to be picked up.

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