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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Lego Turns 50

The Lego, invented by a Danish toy manufacturer, turned 50 last week. Here are some highlights from the history of this popular interlocking brick:

March 10, 1962: After four years of lagging sales, one of the designers has the idea to add a second color to the set.

May 15, 1965: Lego scientists create a momentary tear in space-time by building a giant Lego brick out of Lego bricks.

Aug. 24, 1968: Following a long and difficult struggle, Legoland's constitution is ratified.

June 6, 1971: Lego care package is sent to brother in Vietnam.

Oct. 19, 1974: The first Lego human minifigure journeys through the human digestive system.

June 23, 1989: CEO of Megablox accidentally refers to own product as "Legos."

Jan. 21, 1998: Story rights for blue, red, and green Lego bricks optioned by Dreamworks.

Dec. 9, 2007: The company estimates that there are more than 2 billion Legos on the floor of living rooms around the world that need to be picked up.

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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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