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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Lesser-Known Awards In Major League Baseball

With Major League Baseball handing out its 2008 seasonal awards this week, Onion Sports runs down the more obscure offerings:

The John Kruk Award: Given to the first baseman with the highest batting average and one testicle

Hardware House Inc. Tarp of the Year Award: Goes to the year's most effective tarp

The Jim Abbott Award: Honors the player with the highest OPS in the National League

Tums Trophy: Bestowed upon the player with the most-improved digestion in the league

Player of the Inning Pen: Awarded every inning of each game to the player who best exemplifies that inning

The Wade Boggs Award: Trophy presented to any third baseman who catches at least one fly ball during the regular season

Batter of the Future Award: Recognizes each league's best guy on deck

Participant of the Year: Conferred upon the last few players not to get awards

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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