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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Lesser-Known College Football Awards

Not every college football award has the prestige of the Heisman, Maxwell, or Lombardi trophies. Onion Sports runs down some of the more notable but less visible:

NFL Contract: Awarded to the top 1 percent of all college players each year, as voted by NFL front-office personnel

Bobby Bowden Award: Awarded each year by, and to, Bobby Bowden

Outstanding Defensive Coordination For A Variety, Music, Or Football Program: Past winners include Bud Yorkin for Jack Benny television specials, Dave Wilson for NBC's Saturday Night, and Ron English for Michigan

Warren Sapp Memorial Trophy: Given every year in the hopes that former University of Miami lineman Warren Sapp will die

The Ray Guy Award: Apparently for punters, of all things

Charles "Buckets" Goldenberg Trophy: Given annually to college football's Jewish player

Don Davey All-American Scholarship Award: NCAA football's top honor for academic excellence, last awarded in 1993

Craftsman Tools Elvis Presley Trophy: Given to the college football player who wins the Memphis Motorsports Park 250 NASCAR Truck Series race

The Tony George Memorial Low Whistle: Given to the quarterback that couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, but holy hell, did you see how far that kid threw it?

The Rudy Ruettiger Trophy: Actually more of an ice-cream cone than a trophy, really

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