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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Lesser-Known Moments In Michael Jordan's Hall Of Fame Career

  • 1983: Just fiddling around on the keyboard, he accidentally writes the Chicago Bulls' intro song
  • 1987: With a series of awesome jams, revives the unpopular and often-shunned slam dunk
  • 1989: Somehow wins a game with a buzzer-beating chest pass
  • 1990: During a playoff-clinching victory over the Cavaliers, Jordan scores a career-high 69 points after stepping on Phil Jackson's missing dose of purple sunshine LSD in the locker room
  • 1993: Original Michael Jordan killed for his shoes
  • 1994: Acting as a role model, Jordan introduces himself to a bunch of kids playing basketball on the Chicago streets and wipes them 21-0
  • 1995: Tells Ron Harper to stop wearing Air Jordan XI's
  • 1996: Referee calls Jordan for traveling
  • 2005: After 11 years in the minors, Jordan is called up and hits the World Series-winning home run for the Chicago White Sox
  • 2006: Somehow manages to return to the NBA for a half season with the Bucks without anyone noticing
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