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A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Lesser-Known Moments In Michael Jordan's Hall Of Fame Career

  • 1983: Just fiddling around on the keyboard, he accidentally writes the Chicago Bulls' intro song
  • 1987: With a series of awesome jams, revives the unpopular and often-shunned slam dunk
  • 1989: Somehow wins a game with a buzzer-beating chest pass
  • 1990: During a playoff-clinching victory over the Cavaliers, Jordan scores a career-high 69 points after stepping on Phil Jackson's missing dose of purple sunshine LSD in the locker room
  • 1993: Original Michael Jordan killed for his shoes
  • 1994: Acting as a role model, Jordan introduces himself to a bunch of kids playing basketball on the Chicago streets and wipes them 21-0
  • 1995: Tells Ron Harper to stop wearing Air Jordan XI's
  • 1996: Referee calls Jordan for traveling
  • 2005: After 11 years in the minors, Jordan is called up and hits the World Series-winning home run for the Chicago White Sox
  • 2006: Somehow manages to return to the NBA for a half season with the Bucks without anyone noticing
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