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Lesser-Known Steroids

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Lesser-Known Steroids

Primabolan and Dianabol get all the attention, but they are hardly the only steroids available. Here are some of the more obscure:

Bananabolic Blast: The first fruit-flavored steroid not only helps build up cellular tissue, but also delivers the FDA's recommended daily intake of potassium

Estrogen: Popularized by A-Rod, who religiously injected this steroid in an effort to speed up his swing by strengthening his cervix, adding mass to his labia, and slimming down his rectouterine pouch

Barry Bonds' Bone Marrow: Although it is difficult to obtain due to the thick layers of muscle and dense connective tissue that surround it, this supplement is exceptionally potent

Crystal Methandrostenolone: An anabolic steroid cooked up from brake fluid and Sudafed in trailer parks by toothless bikers

19-Nortestosterone: Athletes keep taking this junk, even though they know full well that the oxygen is double-bonded to the 19th carbon group

Ergosterol: This fungal steroid allows athletes to absorb nutrients, grow hyphae, and spore more effectively

Document Clamp on the Nuts: Not so much a steroid as a method of increasing aggression and adrenaline output by fastening a large document clamp right on your nuts

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