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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Lesser-Known Yankee Stadium Moments

In its 85 years, Yankee Stadium saw more than its share of history made, but there was more to the Cathedral of Baseball than championships and record-setting:

1923: On the pitch before hitting the first home run ever at Yankee Stadium, Babe Ruth sneezes mid-swing and hits a foul ball right into his crotch

1926: Babe Ruth hits a meaningless home run, marking the first and last time Yankees fans don't attach sentimental value to every little thing that happens

1938: Boxer Joe Louis becomes the first person to hit a man out of Yankee Stadium

1974–1975: Stadium undergoes massive renovations to remove all traces of anything aesthetically interesting

1994: In what most agree is a failed experiment, a deafened crowd watches in amazement and terror as Jeff Gordon wins the inaugural, and thus far only, Yankee Stadium 500

1995: Stadium owners lose to rival Los Angeles County Superior Court in battle to host the O.J. Simpson murder trial

2005: Mark Bellhorn and Derek Jeter turn one of their crisper double plays

2008: After trying his entire career to hit the last home run ever at Yankee Stadium, José Molina does so

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