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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Lesser-Known Yankee Stadium Moments

In its 85 years, Yankee Stadium saw more than its share of history made, but there was more to the Cathedral of Baseball than championships and record-setting:

1923: On the pitch before hitting the first home run ever at Yankee Stadium, Babe Ruth sneezes mid-swing and hits a foul ball right into his crotch

1926: Babe Ruth hits a meaningless home run, marking the first and last time Yankees fans don't attach sentimental value to every little thing that happens

1938: Boxer Joe Louis becomes the first person to hit a man out of Yankee Stadium

1974–1975: Stadium undergoes massive renovations to remove all traces of anything aesthetically interesting

1994: In what most agree is a failed experiment, a deafened crowd watches in amazement and terror as Jeff Gordon wins the inaugural, and thus far only, Yankee Stadium 500

1995: Stadium owners lose to rival Los Angeles County Superior Court in battle to host the O.J. Simpson murder trial

2005: Mark Bellhorn and Derek Jeter turn one of their crisper double plays

2008: After trying his entire career to hit the last home run ever at Yankee Stadium, José Molina does so

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