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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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A Look At The Class Of 2019

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2019, with the majority of students born in the year 1997. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

  • Most were only 12 years old when 2009 happened
  • 64th consecutive generation to save Texas Instruments from bankruptcy
  • They have never known a time when the majestic woolly mammoth roamed the Great Plains
  • Average of 3 students per class named after Korn guitarist James “Munky” Shaffer
  • Chalkboards, paper books, and VHS tapes are all items they’ve been told they don’t remember or recognize
  • Al Roker at a non-lethal body weight for over half their lives
  • More of these students than any before will be the second, third, or fourth generation of their families to inherit crippling student loan debt
  • Do not personally know anyone who perished in the Y2K disaster
  • More or less indistinguishable from the class of 2018


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