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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Lowlights From The Lions 19-Game Losing Streak

  • 9/14/08: Jon Kitna throws two picks to Charles Woodson on the same play
  • 9/28/08: Lions become first team to ever lose during their bye week, 24-10
  • 10/12/08: After years of wondering, QB Dan Orlovsky finally finds out what happens if the quarterback goes back for a pass and takes four or five steps out of the end zone
  • 11/3/08: Team signs Daunte Culpepper
  • 11/27/08: On top of all the shit that's been going on, Lions TE Michael Gaines gets gum on his shoe
  • 12/7/08: Lions actually outscore the Vikings 23-20 and still lose
  • 12/14/08: On the goal line with the game tied and seconds to go, Kevin Smith accidentally dives backward 100 yards and records a safety
  • 4/25/09: Though it had been rumored for months that the Lions would use their first pick to draft QB Matthew Stafford, this does not stop him from yelling "goddamn motherfucker" his entire time at the podium
  • 9/13/09: Before his first snap, Matt Stafford realizes the earth has traveled 1.3 billion miles since the last time the Lions won

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