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Lowlights From The Lions 19-Game Losing Streak

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Lowlights From The Lions 19-Game Losing Streak

  • 9/14/08: Jon Kitna throws two picks to Charles Woodson on the same play
  • 9/28/08: Lions become first team to ever lose during their bye week, 24-10
  • 10/12/08: After years of wondering, QB Dan Orlovsky finally finds out what happens if the quarterback goes back for a pass and takes four or five steps out of the end zone
  • 11/3/08: Team signs Daunte Culpepper
  • 11/27/08: On top of all the shit that's been going on, Lions TE Michael Gaines gets gum on his shoe
  • 12/7/08: Lions actually outscore the Vikings 23-20 and still lose
  • 12/14/08: On the goal line with the game tied and seconds to go, Kevin Smith accidentally dives backward 100 yards and records a safety
  • 4/25/09: Though it had been rumored for months that the Lions would use their first pick to draft QB Matthew Stafford, this does not stop him from yelling "goddamn motherfucker" his entire time at the podium
  • 9/13/09: Before his first snap, Matt Stafford realizes the earth has traveled 1.3 billion miles since the last time the Lions won

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