Madonna's Rocky Romances

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Vol 44 Issue 43

Americans Voting Early

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Swaggering Down 87%

NEW YORK—A wide-legged gait accompanied by an overconfident smile and a jauntily raised eyebrow may soon be a thing of the past due to recent economic turmoil.
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Madonna's Rocky Romances

In the latest chapter of Madonna's romantic history, it was announced last week that she and director Guy Ritchie are going to get a divorce. Here are some highlights from Madonna's romantic past:

1977—While still living in Michigan, a teenaged Madonna has a brief affair with a young pizza delivery driver—the last time she would do anything spontaneous and uncalculated

1985—Madonna's tumultuous love affair with noted Keynesian economist John Kenneth Galbraith finally ends after a loud public spat about the merits of heterodox institutional economics

1987—Madonna makes Emo Philips a man

1990—In a move that divides feminists, Madonna gives hand jobs to the first two rows of the audience at a Madrid concert during her Blond Ambition tour

1991—A disappointed Jose Canseco ends his relationship with Madonna after discovering that the pop star's breasts are not as conical as he was led to believe

1996—Personal trainer Carlos Leon is summoned to Madonna's bedchamber, where he impregnates her with future daughter Lourdes before being immediately returned to the gyms of New York

1998—Despite three or four very pleasant dates, things just never really click between Madonna and Omaha-based systems analyst Sam Biederman

2004—Guy Ritchie and Madonna agree to separate as soon as Madonna has time

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