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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Mamet To Direct 'Anne Frank'

Pulitzer Prize–winning playwright David Mamet is writing and directing a new film version of The Diary Of Anne Frank. Here are some highlights from his adaptation:

  • When confronted for stealing food, Joe Mantegna's Putti Van Daan claims not to "give two goddamn fucks in a pig's ass"
  • Fantastic scene in which Anne Frank denies her dad coffee and tells her family that only those with brass balls can survive the Nazis
  • Anne's diary is the only place she is able to finish a sentence
  • The lead is recast as Angelo, a 54-year-old longshoreman for whom the attic is a metaphor for sexual repression
  • Rebecca Pidgeon is shoehorned into the plot, ruining movie at last minute
  • As the Nazis approach, Anne orders the crying baby to "can it"
  • The bookcase that covers the entrance to the secret annex is played by Alec Baldwin
  • Anne's death is ultimately less about "Nazis" and more about "the American dream"

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