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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Mammograms

With the highly publicized return of Elizabeth Edwards' breast cancer, American women are being encouraged to take the precautions necessary to detect the disease early, including yearly mammograms. Here are a few tips that should make getting your mammogram easier:

After one breast is checked, the exam is not finished; the other breast should be checked as well

Avoid HMOs that only allow checkups above the nipple

Check to see if doctor is wearing his Mammogrammers Guild amulet

Verify that your clinic's high-end digital technology has something to do with computers

Though it may be tempting, avoid the cheaper "MammoVan"

If radiologist is not responding to your questions, do not panic; he has probably just never seen such an enormous tumor before

To promote early detection, get a mammogram every year starting at age 3

Put your tits on the glass

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