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Mammograms

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
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Mammograms

With the highly publicized return of Elizabeth Edwards' breast cancer, American women are being encouraged to take the precautions necessary to detect the disease early, including yearly mammograms. Here are a few tips that should make getting your mammogram easier:

After one breast is checked, the exam is not finished; the other breast should be checked as well

Avoid HMOs that only allow checkups above the nipple

Check to see if doctor is wearing his Mammogrammers Guild amulet

Verify that your clinic's high-end digital technology has something to do with computers

Though it may be tempting, avoid the cheaper "MammoVan"

If radiologist is not responding to your questions, do not panic; he has probably just never seen such an enormous tumor before

To promote early detection, get a mammogram every year starting at age 3

Put your tits on the glass

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