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Politics

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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McCain's Running Mate

All but assured the Republican presidential nomination, John McCain has begun discussing possible running mates. Who is on his short list?

Condoleezza Rice: Petulant-terrier look always plays well at foreign state funerals.

Tom Hanks: Just such a huge, huge fan.

(No nomination): As nobody has done nothing for McCain, McCain likewise intends to do nothing for nobody.

Hip, young blogger: To attract hip, young blogger voters.

Mitt Romney: McCain hates him with the burning hatred of a thousand exploding suns, which is always a good aspect of any president/VP relationship.

McCain's grandson: Doesn't really think he's qualified, but would you look at that face? How can you say no to that face?

Hillary Clinton: Just because it would be amazing to see the look on everyone's faces when they say "No way!" followed by "Well, it kind of makes sense."

Mike Huckabee: Bass player needed.

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