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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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McDonald’s Announces Brand Transformation

After months of declining sales amidst competition from rivals Chipotle and Panera Bread, which are increasingly attracting millennials with healthier and more customizable food options, McDonald’s has announced a massive “brand transformation” to win back young consumers. Here are some of the changes underway:

  • Darker, edgier Hamburglar wearing Guy Fawkes mask
  • Each customer to receive “Meal In Review” video highlighting important events that took place during their visit
  • Switching signature red from Pantone 485 C to much more contemporary 185 C
  • Ball pits now filled with trendy mason jars
  • Strategically place new restaurant on the last exit of Westbound I-30 heading out of Little Rock so that it’s either McDonald’s or nothing until we get to Texarkana
  • Restaurant will create collaborative eating environment by replacing booths with low, open-plan seating
  • New slate of advertisements asking, “Where’s Chipotle’s free temporary housing for families of hospitalized children?”
  • Getting a bunch of guys in a room and just bouncing around ideas about dipping sauces
  • Customers encouraged to visit Facebook and Twitter to share their favorite stories from past McDonald’s brand transformations

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