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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Miami's Alleged Violations

As the University of Miami is investigated for illegal dealings between players and boosters, Onion Sports offers this handy guide to what is alleged to have happened:

  • Players forgot to give the NCAA a cut
  • While players waited for prostitutes to arrive, boosters would often get naked and tell players to go ahead and do whatever they wanted to tide them over
  • Hurricanes gave world Ray Lewis
  • All deals had to take place under the table, as Miami student-athletes don't understand how tables work
  • Free ketchup packets with every meal
  • After just a year or two, some players received the benefit of leaving Miami forever
  • Those keychains with the button that you push and they light up: They got those
  • Top-flight athletes were illegally paid for their on-field performances in nationally televised sporting events that legally made the school hundreds of millions of dollars

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