adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Michael Vick's Redemption

Since returning to the league, Michael Vick has been heralded as a changed man. We take a look at how Vick has won people over during his second act.

  • Taking the field to "My Heart Will Go On" every game definitely helped
  • Rather than treat them inhumanely, he now works to improve the lives of Eagles fans
  • Refuses to hang out with friends from his old neighborhood if he knows they're going to shoot or kill something that night
  • Doesn't pull the ball down and try to run with it as much as he used to back when he killed dogs
  • Single-handedly responsible for eradicating the Baja Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out" from at least two NFL stadiums
  • Displayed genuine humility and heartfelt remorse after losing to the Bears
  • Donated a bunch of money to some needy cause or charity or whatever
  • Now only watches dogfights instead of actively hosting them and betting on them

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close