MENLO PARK, CA—Vowing that the social media site would always safeguard the sensitive information, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Monday that his company would never hand over users’ medical records to the government.
OJAI, CA—Finally getting a chance to try her hand at “storytelling from the other side of the camera,” a local monarch butterfly reportedly made her directorial debut Monday on the PBS documentary series ‘Nature.’
WEST LAFAYETTE, IN–Michigan holder Garrett Moores is fucking sick of giving little pep talks to his team’s kicker every time he misses a field goal, sources confirmed during Saturday’s game between Michigan and Purdue.
MENLO PARK, CA—In light of recent catastrophes both at home and abroad, Facebook began offering a new profile frame Friday that lets friends know you stopped scrolling for a second to look at disaster photos and felt sorta bad.
WASHINGTON—Saying it was the first step in gaining the confidence and stability he would need to reintegrate back into society, residents and staff on Thursday welcomed former White House strategist Sebastian Gorka to New Beginnings, a halfway house for fired Trump administration members.
NEW YORK—Shedding new light on the origin of interpersonal communication, a report released Friday by anthropologists at New York University found that it took humans 3,000 years after developing language to work up the confidence to talk to each other.
WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
NASHVILLE, TN—Stressing the importance of the fan base’s health and wellbeing, Vanderbilt University chancellor Nicholas Zeppos advised Commodore football fans Thursday to get vaccinated before the team’s Southeastern Conference road schedule begins next week.
ASHLAND, OH—-A night of forced binge drinking and other dangerous initiation rituals ended in horrible tragedy Tuesday when pledge member Steven Paulson, 18, was accepted into Ashland University's Delta Tau Theta fraternity.