Microsoft Vista Released

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Vol 43 Issue 06

Anna Nicole Dead

Anna Nicole Smith died in Miami on Thursday at the age of 39. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Microsoft Vista Released

Microsoft released its new operating system, Vista, on Jan. 30. Here are some of its features:

Microsoft Word's helpful paper-clip icon now blinks at rate of normal humans

Enhanced graphics on "System Is Not Responding" pop-up window

Five new card-back designs for Solitaire

Something that Apple would never, ever dream up in a billion years

4,391 security flaws to be patched over next 15 years

Promise of broad, open-minded future or some bullshit

Lists blocked wireless connections with greater speed and accuracy

New operating system, same old Microsoft Paint

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