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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Midnight Madness

As the 2007 NCAA basketball season gets underway, Onion Sports reports on the midnight festivities on campuses across the nation:

UConn: Coach Jim Calhoun gets this great idea to do, like, a New Year's Eve type thing, where the ball drops when the clock strikes midnight, except the ball would be a giant basketball, and it would light up, and the clock would be on the scoreboard, and it would be so awesome, but instead he chickens out and just holds a regular practice

BYU: Enthusiastic Cougars fans pack the Marriott Center to celebrate the beginning of a new NCAA basketball season by getting sent home at midnight to abide by the university's strict curfew

North Carolina: Has gotten pretty tame except that the rims are doused with gasoline and then lit on fire

Holy Cross: A mascot dresses in outlandish robes and jewelry then fires up the crowd by saying crazy stuff about forgiveness and a guy who died for their sins

UCLA: Three freshmen stoners take a few snacks and leave after they realize it was not a showing of the 1980 cult movie Midnight Madness but rather "some basketball thing"

Ohio State: Although it is not a scheduled part of the festivities, the crowd certainly enjoys watching a group of drunk guys kick the crap out of Brutus Buckeye

Kentucky: Try though they might, the entire student body is unable to stay awake until midnight and soundly sleeps until morning in Rupp Arena

Indiana: Head coach Kelvin Sampson gets back to fundamentals by having his players practice basic NCAA rules violations

Georgia: With the majority of its players suspended for poor classroom attendance, disobeying team rules, armed robbery, attempted rape, and arson, thousands of students gather to watch ball boy Terence Payson shoot left-handed lay ups for two hours

Gonzaga: The mood is awkward when former Zags star Adam Morrison shows up to Gonzaga's Midnight Madness celebration, hangs around the court and locker room the entire night, and then asks where all the parties are

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