Miley Cyrus' Public Private Life

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Vol 46 Issue 14

MLB Opening Day Marred By Strikeouts

NEW YORK—Players, coaches, fans, and Commissioner Bud Selig expressed concern for the state of professional baseball Monday after MLB's highly anticipated Opening Day was "completely ruined" by a rash of strikeouts that began during the afternoon games and didn't end until the day was over.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Miley Cyrus' Public Private Life

The first kiss between singer Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend, actor Liam Hemsworth, was captured during the shooting of their movie The Last Song. Here are some other milestones from Miley Cyrus' life that have been caught on tape:

  • Leaving the scene of her first car accident at 15
  • 13th-birthday bikini wax
  • When she got hit with the flu and had it coming out both ends
  • World-weary sigh no one that age should be able to make
  • Receiving her first hair doll sent by an obsessed 45-year-old fan
  • Losing hymen during particularly vigorous horseback ride
  • First time being felt up by a sweaty man claiming to be from wardrobe
  • Quiet look of panic as joint is passed around, sudden excusing of self to go to bathroom, huge sigh of relief with head resting against closed bathroom door
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