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North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Nuclear Warhead Thrilled For Chance To Finally Escape North Korea

PYONGYANG—Saying its spirits were immediately buoyed upon hearing Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s recent statement that the military was close to developing an intercontinental ballistic missile, a North Korean nuclear warhead reported Tuesday that it was thrilled for the chance to finally escape the country.

Pope Francis Carves Roast Cherub For Vatican Christmas Dinner

VATICAN CITY—After pulling a probe thermometer from its thigh and tasting a piece of crispy golden-brown skin, Pope Francis began carving a slow-roasted 18-pound cherub for the Vatican’s annual Christmas feast, sources within the Holy See reported Sunday.

Vatican Putting Out Feelers For How Public Would React To Another Children’s Crusade

VATICAN CITY—Saying they had been giving some thought recently to the idea of sending legions of Christian boys and girls to retake the Holy Land and wanted to gauge the level of support, Vatican officials reportedly began putting out feelers Wednesday to determine how the public might react to another Children’s Crusade, much as was attempted in the year 1212.
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Misinterpreted Foreign Business Gestures

When working at a foreign business, it's important to learn the customs and body language of your new associates. Here are the most commonly misinterpreted gestures in other cultures, and what they mean:

  • Nigeria: Eye contact in restroom legally transfers bicycle ownership
  • Ukraine: Smiling means you successfully fixed a national election
  • Thailand: Closed fist moved up-and-down in a "wanking" motion can be misinterpreted as "You are a good little boy and are working very hard to make the sailors happy around the 'house'"
  • Sudan: Twiddling your thumbs means you are bragging that the warlords have yet to cut off your thumbs
  • Germany: Shaking your head communicates "I was unimpressed by your avantgarde one-man show last night"
  • Dominican Republic: Scratching your forearm and adjusting your shirt-sleeve can be misinterpreted as the hit-and-run sign
  • Angola: International sign for choking equals "Hello"
  • International: While both fists thrust forward with the index and pinkie fingers extended means "Metallica!!!" in North America, it means "Sepultura!!!" in Central/South America and "Turbonegro!!!" in Europe

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