Most Anticipated Bowl Games

Top Headlines


Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Most Anticipated Bowl Games

With bowl season upon us, Onion Sports provides a helpful guide to the most exciting matchups.

  • Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Neither Baylor nor Central Florida has ever played in a legitimate BCS bowl, but both teams are hoping to do so next season
  • Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Buffalo and San Diego State square off in a game they were too embarrassed to tell their friends and family they were involved in
  • Discover Orange Bowl: The winner of this game will get to play in the prestigious Visa Orange Bowl against the winner of the MasterCard Orange Bowl
  • AdvoCare V100 Bowl: NFL running back prospects Andre Williams and Kadeem Carey face off in a completely meaningless game that has the potential to ruin their careers if they get injured
  • Allstate Sugar Bowl: Alabama plays Oklahoma in a hard-fought battle between two parts of the country we don’t need
  • AT&T Cotton Bowl: With Oklahoma State battling Missouri, everyone’s pretty excited for a matchup we have seen 45 times since 1960
  • R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Louisiana-Lafayette has won the past two New Orleans Bowls, and if they win this year, they would be the first school in history to give a shit about winning three New Orleans Bowls
  • Rose Bowl: Players from both teams are excited, since the word is there might be an NFL scout in attendance
  • BCS National Championship Game: The matchup between FSU and Auburn will ultimately come down to which team put together a stronger class of recruiting violations last year
  • The Onion Bowl: Auburn takes on Alabama in this highly anticipated season-ending rematch for the 127th annual Onion Bowl in Macau, China, the oldest and most historic bowl game in college football


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