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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Most Anticipated Bowl Games

With bowl season upon us, Onion Sports provides a helpful guide to the most exciting matchups.

  • Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Neither Baylor nor Central Florida has ever played in a legitimate BCS bowl, but both teams are hoping to do so next season
  • Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Buffalo and San Diego State square off in a game they were too embarrassed to tell their friends and family they were involved in
  • Discover Orange Bowl: The winner of this game will get to play in the prestigious Visa Orange Bowl against the winner of the MasterCard Orange Bowl
  • AdvoCare V100 Bowl: NFL running back prospects Andre Williams and Kadeem Carey face off in a completely meaningless game that has the potential to ruin their careers if they get injured
  • Allstate Sugar Bowl: Alabama plays Oklahoma in a hard-fought battle between two parts of the country we don’t need
  • AT&T Cotton Bowl: With Oklahoma State battling Missouri, everyone’s pretty excited for a matchup we have seen 45 times since 1960
  • R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Louisiana-Lafayette has won the past two New Orleans Bowls, and if they win this year, they would be the first school in history to give a shit about winning three New Orleans Bowls
  • Rose Bowl: Players from both teams are excited, since the word is there might be an NFL scout in attendance
  • BCS National Championship Game: The matchup between FSU and Auburn will ultimately come down to which team put together a stronger class of recruiting violations last year
  • The Onion Bowl: Auburn takes on Alabama in this highly anticipated season-ending rematch for the 127th annual Onion Bowl in Macau, China, the oldest and most historic bowl game in college football

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