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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Most Gruesome Sports Injuries

Onion Sports examines some of the most horrendous and appalling injuries in the history of athletics.

  • 776 BC: Sprinter Phidias eaten during race by Zeus in the form of a giant crow
  • 1985: Joe Theismann suffers a career-ending injury after New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor snaps off the quarterback’s leg and holds the bloodied limb aloft for the entire RFK Stadium crowd to behold
  • February 2001: Daytona 500 fans are horrified after the wildly popular No. 3 car violently slams into a wall at an estimated 155 mph, causing extensive damage that would prevent it from ever racing again
  • March 2001: Randy Johnson fastball strikes and kills an ostrich that had wandered onto the field
  • 2003: Vince Carter decapitates Marcus Camby with a vicious windmill dunk
  • 2006: Boxer Antonio Margarito hits boxer Miguel Cotto right in the face
  • 2007: Alex Rodriguez dives headfirst into the stands for a ball and, to onlookers’ horror, comes up without a scratch
  • 2008: Trail Blazers fans watch in horror as Greg Oden’s body completely disintegrates into a bloody mist after stepping on the court for his NBA debut
  • 2009: After being brushed by an opposing player’s leg, soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo immediately collapses to the ground and is quickly airlifted to a nearby hospital
  • 2010: Novak Djokovic gets both legs blown off from an old land mine while playing tennis in his native Serbia
  • 2013: Louisville Cardinals guard Kevin Ware stubs toe while being loaded into ambulance

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