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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Most Gruesome Sports Injuries

Onion Sports examines some of the most horrendous and appalling injuries in the history of athletics.

  • 776 BC: Sprinter Phidias eaten during race by Zeus in the form of a giant crow
  • 1985: Joe Theismann suffers a career-ending injury after New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor snaps off the quarterback’s leg and holds the bloodied limb aloft for the entire RFK Stadium crowd to behold
  • February 2001: Daytona 500 fans are horrified after the wildly popular No. 3 car violently slams into a wall at an estimated 155 mph, causing extensive damage that would prevent it from ever racing again
  • March 2001: Randy Johnson fastball strikes and kills an ostrich that had wandered onto the field
  • 2003: Vince Carter decapitates Marcus Camby with a vicious windmill dunk
  • 2006: Boxer Antonio Margarito hits boxer Miguel Cotto right in the face
  • 2007: Alex Rodriguez dives headfirst into the stands for a ball and, to onlookers’ horror, comes up without a scratch
  • 2008: Trail Blazers fans watch in horror as Greg Oden’s body completely disintegrates into a bloody mist after stepping on the court for his NBA debut
  • 2009: After being brushed by an opposing player’s leg, soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo immediately collapses to the ground and is quickly airlifted to a nearby hospital
  • 2010: Novak Djokovic gets both legs blown off from an old land mine while playing tennis in his native Serbia
  • 2013: Louisville Cardinals guard Kevin Ware stubs toe while being loaded into ambulance

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