adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Most Memorable Hall Of Fame Speeches

Last weekend, Shannon Sharpe's tribute to his brother and Deion Sanders' strange humility were two reminders of the heights that sports hall of fame speeches can reach. Some great quotes from others:

  • Barry Sanders: "I'm surprised I showed up to this too."
  • James Naismith: "Oh, wow, I'm in the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame? No fucking shit."
  • Floyd Little: “I know you all just want to hear Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith talk, so I’m going to leave right now and cry in the parking lot.”
  • Mickey Mantle: "I practiced drunk. I played drunk. You're damn right I'll give this speech drunk!"
  • O.J. Simpson: "It's an honor knowing this is how people will remember me forever: O.J. Simpson, Hall of Fame running back."
  • John Madden: "…So then comes the cheese, and it's gotta be pepper jack, you just pile that on there then bake it in the oven for maybe five minutes, just long enough for the cheese to melt, and then comes the mayo…"
  • Jerry Rice: "…98…99…100. See, 100 push-ups, no problem. And I'll do 100 more—watch me! One! Two!"

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close