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Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Most Memorable Hall Of Fame Speeches

Last weekend, Shannon Sharpe's tribute to his brother and Deion Sanders' strange humility were two reminders of the heights that sports hall of fame speeches can reach. Some great quotes from others:

  • Barry Sanders: "I'm surprised I showed up to this too."
  • James Naismith: "Oh, wow, I'm in the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame? No fucking shit."
  • Floyd Little: “I know you all just want to hear Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith talk, so I’m going to leave right now and cry in the parking lot.”
  • Mickey Mantle: "I practiced drunk. I played drunk. You're damn right I'll give this speech drunk!"
  • O.J. Simpson: "It's an honor knowing this is how people will remember me forever: O.J. Simpson, Hall of Fame running back."
  • John Madden: "…So then comes the cheese, and it's gotta be pepper jack, you just pile that on there then bake it in the oven for maybe five minutes, just long enough for the cheese to melt, and then comes the mayo…"
  • Jerry Rice: "…98…99…100. See, 100 push-ups, no problem. And I'll do 100 more—watch me! One! Two!"
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