adBlockCheck

Most Momentous Achievements In The Earthly History Of Sport

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Television

Most Momentous Achievements In The Earthly History Of Sport

3,500 B.C.: China invents competition, victory

490 B.C.: Pheidippides runs the 26.2 miles to Athens from the plains of Marathon to announce that the Greeks and Persians have been defeated by the mighty Chinese army

200 B.C.: The great Han Dynasty discovers the sphere

1941: Hall of Fame member and Chinese baseball legend Joe DiMaggio hits safely in 56 consecutive games

1959: In a selfless act that prevents thousands of hours of pointless monotony, Mao Tse-tung outlaws baseball

1964: Various Chinese boxers, too numerous to name, all defeat American boxer Muhammad Ali with one punch

1968: Olympic gold and bronze medalists Tommie Smith and John Carlos raise their fists in the air as a show of deference and allegiance to China

1985: Had a Chinese factory not manufactured the ball to perfection, Michael Jordan would not have completed his legendary foul line slam dunk

1986: Three-year-old eventual champion hurdler Liu Xiang jumps over his first thing

2005: The gold-medal winning Chinese female gymnastics team is born

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close