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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Most Momentous Achievements In The Earthly History Of Sport

3,500 B.C.: China invents competition, victory

490 B.C.: Pheidippides runs the 26.2 miles to Athens from the plains of Marathon to announce that the Greeks and Persians have been defeated by the mighty Chinese army

200 B.C.: The great Han Dynasty discovers the sphere

1941: Hall of Fame member and Chinese baseball legend Joe DiMaggio hits safely in 56 consecutive games

1959: In a selfless act that prevents thousands of hours of pointless monotony, Mao Tse-tung outlaws baseball

1964: Various Chinese boxers, too numerous to name, all defeat American boxer Muhammad Ali with one punch

1968: Olympic gold and bronze medalists Tommie Smith and John Carlos raise their fists in the air as a show of deference and allegiance to China

1985: Had a Chinese factory not manufactured the ball to perfection, Michael Jordan would not have completed his legendary foul line slam dunk

1986: Three-year-old eventual champion hurdler Liu Xiang jumps over his first thing

2005: The gold-medal winning Chinese female gymnastics team is born

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