Most Notable Recent Player Transactions

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Vol 47 Issue 32

Seeing Eye Dog Really Blows Off Some Steam In Dog Park

FORT COLLINS, CO—From the moment he was let loose in a local dog park Saturday, golden retriever and licensed Seeing Eye dog Biscuit reportedly blew off some steam by jumping up to lick people's faces, urinating on smaller dogs, and chasing almost e...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Most Notable Recent Player Transactions

With the shortened NFL free-agency period overlapping baseball's trade deadline, there has been a lot of player movement recently. Here are the most notable new deals:

  • Tarvaris Jackson: Seattle Seahawks have signed Jackson to a two-year, 196-interception deal
  • Plaxico Burress: Just as he signed his contract with the Jets, three loaded handguns fell out of his pants, hit the floor, and went off
  • Carlos Beltran: Finally has a chance to win a World Series in a Mets uniform if he wears it underneath his new Giants uniform
  • Vince Young: Will back up Michael Vick in Philadelphia in what will either be a sports psychologist's nightmare or a sports psychologist's dream come true
  • Curt Schilling: Retired more than two years ago, but his stupid fucking mouth is still moving like something important just happened to him
  • Reggie Bush: Adds new dimension to Dolphins' running-around-then-spinning-then-turning-to-the-weak-side-then-being-tackled-for-a-5-yard-loss game
  • Kevin Kolb: Cardinals brass hoping to recapture the magic of the Josh McCown era
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