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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Most Notable Recent Player Transactions

With the shortened NFL free-agency period overlapping baseball's trade deadline, there has been a lot of player movement recently. Here are the most notable new deals:

  • Tarvaris Jackson: Seattle Seahawks have signed Jackson to a two-year, 196-interception deal
  • Plaxico Burress: Just as he signed his contract with the Jets, three loaded handguns fell out of his pants, hit the floor, and went off
  • Carlos Beltran: Finally has a chance to win a World Series in a Mets uniform if he wears it underneath his new Giants uniform
  • Vince Young: Will back up Michael Vick in Philadelphia in what will either be a sports psychologist's nightmare or a sports psychologist's dream come true
  • Curt Schilling: Retired more than two years ago, but his stupid fucking mouth is still moving like something important just happened to him
  • Reggie Bush: Adds new dimension to Dolphins' running-around-then-spinning-then-turning-to-the-weak-side-then-being-tackled-for-a-5-yard-loss game
  • Kevin Kolb: Cardinals brass hoping to recapture the magic of the Josh McCown era

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