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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Most Overlooked Sports Stories Of 2008

Chase Utley is struck by a record-breaking seven consecutive pitches while sitting in the Phillies dugout

NBA Commissioner David Stern scores a respectable 12 points in the All-Star game

For the 11,472nd time, an NFL first quarter ends in a tie

Slow-ass NFL safety and cheap-shot artist John Lynch, who couldn't cover a receiver to save his life and was an obnoxious prick on top of it all, retires to little fanfare just like he fucking deserved, the miserable shit. Fuck John Lynch

During Bob Knight's on-court retirement celebration, the former Texas Tech and Indiana Hoosiers coach makes fans listen to Frank Sinatra's "My Way" for five straight hours

Wladimir Klitschko defeats WBO champion Sultan Ibragimov to unify the IBO, IBF, and WBO titles, which does absolutely nothing for the sport of boxing

A lot of cool shit had to have happened in the 2008 gliding championships

Lance Armstrong is forced to sit down with Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey and explain to them why they can't do the Tour de France with him

In his first at bat of the season, Rays rookie Evan Longoria hits a ground ball and accidentally runs to third base

The Detroit Red Wings win the 2008 Stanley Cup

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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