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Most Overlooked Sports Stories Of 2008

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Most Overlooked Sports Stories Of 2008

Chase Utley is struck by a record-breaking seven consecutive pitches while sitting in the Phillies dugout

NBA Commissioner David Stern scores a respectable 12 points in the All-Star game

For the 11,472nd time, an NFL first quarter ends in a tie

Slow-ass NFL safety and cheap-shot artist John Lynch, who couldn't cover a receiver to save his life and was an obnoxious prick on top of it all, retires to little fanfare just like he fucking deserved, the miserable shit. Fuck John Lynch

During Bob Knight's on-court retirement celebration, the former Texas Tech and Indiana Hoosiers coach makes fans listen to Frank Sinatra's "My Way" for five straight hours

Wladimir Klitschko defeats WBO champion Sultan Ibragimov to unify the IBO, IBF, and WBO titles, which does absolutely nothing for the sport of boxing

A lot of cool shit had to have happened in the 2008 gliding championships

Lance Armstrong is forced to sit down with Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey and explain to them why they can't do the Tour de France with him

In his first at bat of the season, Rays rookie Evan Longoria hits a ground ball and accidentally runs to third base

The Detroit Red Wings win the 2008 Stanley Cup

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