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Mukasey Visits Guantanamo

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Mukasey Visits Guantanamo

Attorney General Michael Mukasey made his first trip to the United States military detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Here's some of the information he came back with:

Terror suspects are given full access to people who dress just like lawyers

The bay contains a unique nocturnal species of bird whose singing sounds like cracking whips and faint screams for help

Gift shop really needs to start carrying childrens' sizes

Cuba pretty

Some prisoners reported to have family members, favorite foods back home

You can throw a rock and hit the Cuban guard tower

Detainees' production of Fiddler On The Roof was abysmal

It's kind of like a middle-school sleepover in that no one is actually falling asleep, and if they did, someone would do something terrible to them

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