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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Mukasey Visits Guantanamo

Attorney General Michael Mukasey made his first trip to the United States military detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Here's some of the information he came back with:

Terror suspects are given full access to people who dress just like lawyers

The bay contains a unique nocturnal species of bird whose singing sounds like cracking whips and faint screams for help

Gift shop really needs to start carrying childrens' sizes

Cuba pretty

Some prisoners reported to have family members, favorite foods back home

You can throw a rock and hit the Cuban guard tower

Detainees' production of Fiddler On The Roof was abysmal

It's kind of like a middle-school sleepover in that no one is actually falling asleep, and if they did, someone would do something terrible to them

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