Murphy Brown: Still On The Air?

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Vol 33 Issue 06

History Channel Repeats Itself

NEW YORK—Tragically failing to learn the lessons of its own programming, the History Channel repeated itself 11 p.m. Sunday, airing Man's Inhumanity To Man: The Horror Of Auschwitz just three days after its initial broadcast. “This informative and important Holocaust documentary imparted many poignant lessons last Thursday,” Harvard University history professor Dr. Edmund O. Haller said. "But what has humanity really gained from witnessing The Horror Of Auschwitz if the History Channel ignores its painful lessons and allows it to air again? This is an atrocity that, sadly, could have easily been prevented if we had only learned its lessons the first time." Haller urged the management of the History Channel to watch its own programming attentively, “lest future generations be forced to repeat this dark hour of cable-TV programming.”

Sinatra, Hope, Reagan Deadlocked In Race To Grave

LOS ANGELES—Frank Sinatra’s recent hospitalization has pulled the aging crooner into a virtual dead heat with comedian Bob Hope and former president Ronald Reagan in their hotly contested race to death’s door, it was reported Monday. "We feel good about Mr. Sinatra’s prospects in this competitive graveyard derby," said Dr. Ben Ellis, Sinatra’s personal physician. "He is largely incoherent and responds poorly to bathing and feeding." Despite Sinatra’s rapidly deteriorating condition, officials for Hope and Reagan are confident. "Apart from one or two public appearances in the past year, Mr. Hope has been unable to function in any meaningful capacity outside his home," a Hope publicist said. Reagan, meanwhile, is proving a strong contender with a progressive neurological disease eroding his very wits. Las Vegas oddsmaker Danny Sheridan has Sinatra a slight 5-3 favorite to depart first, with Reagan second at 2-1.

Casey Martin Vs. The PGA

Last week, a federal judge ruled that golfer Casey Martin—who is afflicted with a circulatory disorder that makes it painful for him to walk—may use a motorized golf cart during PGA competition. The PGA contends that the use of a cart constitutes an unfair advantage, and plans to appeal the decision. What do you think?
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Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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