"My Perfect Teeth Will Carve A Mural Of Pain In Your Flesh"

In This Section

Vol 41 Issue 48

Onion Sports 2005-06 NCAA Brackets

Print out Onion Sports' all-encompassing do-it-yourself 2005-06 basketball brackets and decide which of the top 400 college teams you think will go all the way!

Annika Sorenstam Has Another Remarkable Year For A Lady

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Annika Sorenstam, the absolutely adorable doll of golf's lighter, gentler side, and a true lady who has absolutely charmed ladies' golf fans since joining the always-heartwarming Ladies' Professional Golf Association Tour...

EU Against Secret Prisons

The European Union is going to impose sanctions against member nations that cooperated with the U.S. CIA-run prisons. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Sleep

Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Onion Video

Watch More