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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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NBA 2007 Season Predictions

As the new NBA season opens, Onion Sports analysts take a look at the league's trends and tendencies in an attempt to predict the progress of professional basketball:

A determined Mark Cuban will sit even closer to the court and yell even more stuff at the refs

Dwayne Wade, who has already won a championship and sees no point in trying to win another, will return to the court 200 pounds heavier

The Atlanta Hawks will win the hearts of Americans everywhere when they augment their sloppy play with funny sound effects

Mid-season rule changes will mean dribbling is no longer optional

Bucks rookie Yi Jianlian will find the NBA facilities much nicer than the coalmine where he and his Chinese teammates were housed

The Knicks will not score a single point all season long

Watch out for a touching Sports Illustrated article on how Ron Artest is actually a decent, loving, spiritual man and/or Artest receiving a season-long suspension for eating a puppy alive

In order to generate more fan interest, the Denver Nuggets will change their team name to the Denver Big Ol' Scary Dragons

All-Star Week excess will reach new heights when the game is played inside a gigantic diamond

For the 35th consecutive year, no rainouts

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