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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NBA's Biggest-Ever Trade Deadline Deals

  • 1891: James Naismith claims a taller player for his team and then immediately proclaims that no other teams are allowed to change their rosters
  • 1971: Bucks trade NBA MVP Lew Alcindor for complete unknown Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  • 1974: The Hawks' "Pistol" Pete Maravich executes a brilliant behind-the-back dipsy-doodle looky-loo trade that sends eight disoriented players stumbling to Atlanta as he glides effortlessly to the Jazz
  • 1991: That huge Michael Jordan trade that no one ever talks about
  • 1994: The L.A. Clippers trade a nearly mint Danny Manning and a first-round draft pick to the Atlanta Hawks for two slightly bent Dominique Wilkinses
  • 1999: An eight-team deal sends Sam Cassell to the Suns, Timberwolves, Bucks, Nets, Clippers, Mavericks, Rockets, and Celtics
  • 2004: The Lakers trade Shaquille O'Neal to the Heat for a bunch of guys who are not Shaquille fucking O'Neal 2008: The Lakers place a call to the Memphis Grizzlies to inquire about Pau Gasol's availability, piece together that the Grizzlies have no GM or front office to speak of, and sign Gasol to a contract

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