The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.
- 1891: James Naismith claims a taller player for his team and then immediately proclaims that no other teams are allowed to change their rosters
- 1971: Bucks trade NBA MVP Lew Alcindor for complete unknown Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
- 1974: The Hawks' "Pistol" Pete Maravich executes a brilliant behind-the-back dipsy-doodle looky-loo trade that sends eight disoriented players stumbling to Atlanta as he glides effortlessly to the Jazz
- 1991: That huge Michael Jordan trade that no one ever talks about
- 1994: The L.A. Clippers trade a nearly mint Danny Manning and a first-round draft pick to the Atlanta Hawks for two slightly bent Dominique Wilkinses
- 1999: An eight-team deal sends Sam Cassell to the Suns, Timberwolves, Bucks, Nets, Clippers, Mavericks, Rockets, and Celtics
- 2004: The Lakers trade Shaquille O'Neal to the Heat for a bunch of guys who are not Shaquille fucking O'Neal 2008: The Lakers place a call to the Memphis Grizzlies to inquire about Pau Gasol's availability, piece together that the Grizzlies have no GM or front office to speak of, and sign Gasol to a contract