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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NBA's Biggest-Ever Trade Deadline Deals

  • 1891: James Naismith claims a taller player for his team and then immediately proclaims that no other teams are allowed to change their rosters
  • 1971: Bucks trade NBA MVP Lew Alcindor for complete unknown Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  • 1974: The Hawks' "Pistol" Pete Maravich executes a brilliant behind-the-back dipsy-doodle looky-loo trade that sends eight disoriented players stumbling to Atlanta as he glides effortlessly to the Jazz
  • 1991: That huge Michael Jordan trade that no one ever talks about
  • 1994: The L.A. Clippers trade a nearly mint Danny Manning and a first-round draft pick to the Atlanta Hawks for two slightly bent Dominique Wilkinses
  • 1999: An eight-team deal sends Sam Cassell to the Suns, Timberwolves, Bucks, Nets, Clippers, Mavericks, Rockets, and Celtics
  • 2004: The Lakers trade Shaquille O'Neal to the Heat for a bunch of guys who are not Shaquille fucking O'Neal 2008: The Lakers place a call to the Memphis Grizzlies to inquire about Pau Gasol's availability, piece together that the Grizzlies have no GM or front office to speak of, and sign Gasol to a contract

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