NCAA Tournament Bubble Teams

Top Headlines


Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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NCAA Tournament Bubble Teams

Last year's Cinderella showing by controversial tourney selection George Mason raised America's collective bubble-team awareness. Onion Sports picks out this year's marginal but notable picks:

Duke: Look for this bubble team to sneak in, because if it doesn't, sports will cease to exist, decent men and women everywhere will weep for all eternity, and the planet Earth will spiral down into the heart of the sun

Grove City College: Even though it is a small Division III school, their key early-season win against rival Penn State Altoona is sure to linger in the minds of the selection committee

Drexel: Although they failed to win their conference, the Drexel Dragons will be selected because their inevitable defeat will generate dramatic wordplay headlines

Texas Tech: Coach Bob Knight's campaign of emasculating farm animals with his teeth in front of selection-committee members is sure to have had some impact

Michigan: See Duke

Miami: Since so many other teams from Florida are guaranteed a spot, the NCAA just didn't realize it should say no to the 11-19 Hurricanes

DePaul: Whatever; make it, don't make it, no one really cares

Ohio State: Although they're actually one of the top-ranked teams in the nation, the tournament selection committee has decided to artificially devalue the Buckeyes in order to guarantee March Madness 2007 has an incredible underdog story


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