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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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NCAA Tournament Bubble Teams

Last year's Cinderella showing by controversial tourney selection George Mason raised America's collective bubble-team awareness. Onion Sports picks out this year's marginal but notable picks:

Duke: Look for this bubble team to sneak in, because if it doesn't, sports will cease to exist, decent men and women everywhere will weep for all eternity, and the planet Earth will spiral down into the heart of the sun

Grove City College: Even though it is a small Division III school, their key early-season win against rival Penn State Altoona is sure to linger in the minds of the selection committee

Drexel: Although they failed to win their conference, the Drexel Dragons will be selected because their inevitable defeat will generate dramatic wordplay headlines

Texas Tech: Coach Bob Knight's campaign of emasculating farm animals with his teeth in front of selection-committee members is sure to have had some impact

Michigan: See Duke

Miami: Since so many other teams from Florida are guaranteed a spot, the NCAA just didn't realize it should say no to the 11-19 Hurricanes

DePaul: Whatever; make it, don't make it, no one really cares

Ohio State: Although they're actually one of the top-ranked teams in the nation, the tournament selection committee has decided to artificially devalue the Buckeyes in order to guarantee March Madness 2007 has an incredible underdog story

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