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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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NCAA Tournament Bubble Teams

Last year's Cinderella showing by controversial tourney selection George Mason raised America's collective bubble-team awareness. Onion Sports picks out this year's marginal but notable picks:

Duke: Look for this bubble team to sneak in, because if it doesn't, sports will cease to exist, decent men and women everywhere will weep for all eternity, and the planet Earth will spiral down into the heart of the sun

Grove City College: Even though it is a small Division III school, their key early-season win against rival Penn State Altoona is sure to linger in the minds of the selection committee

Drexel: Although they failed to win their conference, the Drexel Dragons will be selected because their inevitable defeat will generate dramatic wordplay headlines

Texas Tech: Coach Bob Knight's campaign of emasculating farm animals with his teeth in front of selection-committee members is sure to have had some impact

Michigan: See Duke

Miami: Since so many other teams from Florida are guaranteed a spot, the NCAA just didn't realize it should say no to the 11-19 Hurricanes

DePaul: Whatever; make it, don't make it, no one really cares

Ohio State: Although they're actually one of the top-ranked teams in the nation, the tournament selection committee has decided to artificially devalue the Buckeyes in order to guarantee March Madness 2007 has an incredible underdog story

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