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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NCAA Tournament Snubs

Although 64 teams are invited, there are always those who feel unjustly overlooked. We run down the reasoning behind prominent non-invitations:

San Diego State: Oh, you know, their RPI was just way too low or high or whatever is bad

Auburn: Team doesn't test well with women age 18 to 34

New Mexico: Have this weird way of dribbling that's just really off-putting

Penn State: No one likes Penn State

Gonzaga II: Only room in tournament for one Gonzaga

UNLV: Flunked the written part of the examination

Creighton: Glitches in their audition tape revealed that they edited the highlights so it looked like they never missed a shot

Davidson: The NCAA offered a third seed to Stephen Curry, but he selfishly wanted to bring his teammates along

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