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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NCAA Tournament Snubs

Although 64 teams are invited, there are always those who feel unjustly overlooked. We run down the reasoning behind prominent non-invitations:

San Diego State: Oh, you know, their RPI was just way too low or high or whatever is bad

Auburn: Team doesn't test well with women age 18 to 34

New Mexico: Have this weird way of dribbling that's just really off-putting

Penn State: No one likes Penn State

Gonzaga II: Only room in tournament for one Gonzaga

UNLV: Flunked the written part of the examination

Creighton: Glitches in their audition tape revealed that they edited the highlights so it looked like they never missed a shot

Davidson: The NCAA offered a third seed to Stephen Curry, but he selfishly wanted to bring his teammates along

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