adBlockCheck

Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

Networking Tips

Connecting with professionals in the same field can open up a world of opportunity for job seekers. Here are The Onion’s networking tips:

  • First impressions last forever. Immediately after shaking someone’s hand, take a bottle of antibacterial sanitizer from your pocket and clean your hand thoroughly so that they know you have good hygiene.
  • Always have business cards on hand featuring your name, email, cell phone number, address, social security number, and credit card information.
  • People are often quite busy during the workday, so always approach potential contacts by visiting their homes at night.
  • Don’t neglect contacts in your professional network. Every few months, renew your relationships by mailing everyone you know a crisp five-dollar bill.
  • Your college career center is a great resource for alumni contacts that haven’t been updated in eight years.
  • Dress appropriately. A single tie is fine for business casual networking events, but a minimum of three ties should be worn to formal interviews.
  • Asking, “So how did you get the job you have now?” is a great way to learn about some of the outdated, unhelpful ways people used to get jobs 15 years ago.
  • Have you bought a nice button-down shirt, Geoffrey? You really ought to own a nice button-down shirt. Tell yourself this is your one shirt you won’t get wrinkly, because they’ll notice if it’s wrinkly. Make sure you button it up to the top, too. You don’t want to make it all the way to the interview and then not look good. It’s just common sense.
  • The keys to success at any networking event are eye contact, a firm handshake, and five to 10 years of work experience that perfectly align with what your prospective employer is looking for.
  • No matter how insincere you are, try the best you can to hide the fact that you’re only talking to someone because you want to use them.

More from this section

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close