New Anti-Terrorism Strategy

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Vol 42 Issue 37

2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

A second autopsy will be performed on Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son who died at her bedside while she was hospitalized in the Bahamas. What do...

Horse Meat Banned

Congress has banned the slaughter of horses for meat, calling the process "barbaric." What do you think?

Care For 9/11 Illness

People who worked or lived near Ground Zero are demanding health-care for illnesses related to the poor air quality after the attacks. What do...

Sept. 12, 1972

Puke Orange, Pea Green, Mustard Yellow Adopted as New National Colors
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Comedy

New Anti-Terrorism Strategy

The White House recently released an updated version of its anti-terrorism strategy, "National Strategy For Combating Terrorism." Here are its main new components:

  • Setting up decoy "pro-terrorism centers" around nation to capture terrorists
  • Staging, foiling series of attacks
  • Ignoring terrorists so they get frustrated and go away
  • Introducing new slogan: "If you see, hear, feel, smell, or taste something, say something"
  • Holding all Americans until they feel safe again
  • Increasing national wait times
  • Allocating $1.2 trillion for development of terror-seeking missiles
  • Stopping terrorism for real this time
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